How To Build Intimacy and Connection With Your Spouse

For some, establishing connection and intimacy in their marriage is difficult.  Most likely, it wasn’t modeled for you growing up in your own family and now that you are married, you may be confused as to why you are not able to bond fully with your spouse in the manner you desire.  In relationships, love and connection will always drive away fear.  In order to expand your capacity to love more, learning how to understand your spouse is vital.  We like to encourage couples to begin asking each other these questions every day.

Five Questions That Will Connect Your Hearts

  • How are you really doing?
  • What are you worried about?
  • What can I do to help you this week?
  • What can I pray for you this week?
  • What are you excited about?

Why These Questions Connect Hearts

  • Daily Connection – These questions provide an opportunity to talk about something other than your last argument, or home logistics, or the budget, etc.

  • Us-ness – With these questions you have an opportunity to build what we call “us-ness.” By listening to what your spouse is sharing, you are helping them feel like it is you two against the world. You are building the mindset that you are a team and working together.

  • Openness – As each of you share the answers to these questions, you will open up your heart to reveal what is going on inside. Vulnerability and transparency is like a magnet, attracting your spouse to you.

When we are open with our mate and share emotionally with them, we increase loving feelings.  By engaging in these questions, you have just entered into connectedness and intimacy which leads to more physical touch, affection, desire, and sexual attraction toward one other.

One of the most powerful acts you can participate in with your spouse is to tell them, “I choose you.  I love you very much.  My goal with you today is connection.”  When this is practiced with intentionality and sincerity, I promise you will get the results of intimacy that you long for.

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts. Proverbs 4:23 (Message)